| Epiphany |

It's so odd, I loved you so much for sure. I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you. But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart. I got to fully reveal my true self under the smiling mask. I'm the one I should love in this world. The shining me, the precious soul of mine. I realize only now, so I love me.  Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful.

I see heart shapes everywhere I go, in the clouds, the ground, everywhere. It's like the universe is determined to remind me that I am constantly surrounded by love, I just need to keep my eyes open. Just like anyone, life has not always been kind to me, I have lived through abuse - physical, mental and sexual. At times these instances have kept me from fully reaching out in the world due to fear but, I know that love either from my family & beliefs has kept me pushing on. The abuse caused me to hate myself and not fully be able to accept love from people, which only manifested problems of self harm and anxiety. These past years have been a whole rebuilding of myself, which included lots of tears, anger and letting go of fear. Because of what other people did to me, I got it into my head that I wasn't worthy to be loved by myself or others. I kind of floated through life without facing up to the traumas I was carrying around. But, I learned that I had to because it was slowly destroying me. The smile on the outside was only covering up all the pain I held inside. In order to fully heal and become brand new, you have to begin again.

Even if you get disturbed and feel afraid, walk forward. Meet your true self that you hid inside the storm. Why did I want to hide my precious self. What made me so afraid to hide my true self. I'm the one I should love in this world, The shining me, the precious soul of mine. I realize only now, so I love me. Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful. I'm the one I should love in this world. 

Facing yourself and how you're treating yourself can be one of the hardest things in the world to do & I don't think it's a one time thing, but a continual one throughout life. But for this post it's my own way of celebrating me and my body. Living through abuse, I began to see myself as not the owner of myself - I hope that makes sense!?! And over the years I have worked to take back my own power and ownership. When I look at these pictures, I am able to see - Me! I don't see abuse or someone that is wrong or undeserving of good things. Going through abuse has always given me a disconnected view of my body & self, like it's me but not me, I've had no connection to it and now I feel that I have been able to make my way back to me. I think as well having children had in some way pushed me to confront myself, seeing as you carrying your own children and give birth to them. I know now that I love myself, I am me & the only me in this world and that is something worth more than all the riches one could have. No one will ever make me lose myself again, I am stronger because I built myself back up with grace. I've been so much happier & felt less anxiety about life. I have become my own hero of the story that is my life, sometimes we have to save ourselves, we've been blessed with the tools to do so, we just need to unlock them. If your sitting in this world and still struggling to love yourself because of what someone else has done to you or maybe just because - face yourself. Go and talk to people out there, you're not alone. Hard times will still be there but, with helping hands, hardships are halved. You deserve love & happy days no matter what has been done or said to you from others or that voice in your head, I believe in you, you are strong, there is light at the end of your darkness. And if you need a hand to hold, I'm reaching out both of mine to take!

Perhaps I'm a bit dull and imperfect, perhaps people might not see my shy sparkle. But, I'm me just as I am, my arms, legs, heart, and soul that I have lived with until now. I want to love in this world the shining me, the precious soul of mine. I realise only now, so I love me. Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful. I'm the one I should love, I'm the one I should love, I'm the one I should love...all lyrics above & here from Epiphany by BTS one of my favourite songs <3

{Dainty Boudoir: Heart Mesh Bodysuit - Nasty Gal ; Ruffle Collar (old) Asos ; Bed Cap - Vintage ; Corset Belt - Ebay}

I don't usually censor myself but, in this instant I put hearts over my cleavage just out of respect for those that may not be comfortable with a nude body. Though for me, nudity is natural, it's how we arrived in this world & I think women in particular are censored too much as it is, especially in the case of our breasts. Not saying I'll censor myself in the future, but I was just playing around and thought the hearts were cute, haha! Have a beautiful start to the week doll hearts.

Loves & loves

XOXOXOXOXOXOX